But, then there's a reality as well. I might feel really great on some drug induced state and decide that I can fly off of a 10 story building. Perception is altered as gravity enforces the greater perception, the one I call reality. There are times where the surrounding environment and mindless activities rule and reign and most aren't even aware. They look and listen to a rant and think... doesn't bother me, what the heck's wrong with him or her? And to that point, I think, ya, there are those that constantly complain, like if they were receiving a massage from someone they'd complain that it was too rough or not firm enough.
And so, I begin by offering a balanced discussion of anger experienced can be a byproduct of me having an internal perception issue that is affecting my surrounding environment. Conversely, there is an acknowledgement of an external reality that is being experienced that affects my perception... O woe is me, which is it and how can I know?
What is anger anyway? I define it as having an expectation that goes unfulfilled. This is important for anger management that will be discussed later in the blog. You may say, I don't agree with that definition, I say, ok, don't get angry. :)
At this point, I'm going to share some things that are constants of anger that I just struggle shaking.
- Labron James - the basketball player for the Miami Heat. Recently, he scored 61 points in a game and was immediatley spoken of as one of the greatest feats of all time in basketball. I saw the game. I saw the next two as well. The following two games Miami lost. Labron spoke of being tired. Oh, he broke his nose, some would say, well, his nose was broken when he scored the 61. My rant base is simply this... before you etch a place in history as one of the greatest, BE GREAT. I define that as REPRODUCING greatness. It is not achieved by one act. This is not to say that he needs to score 61 points repeatedly. It is saying, if you're not scoring that night, do something else that is great that allows your team to be positioned to win the game. The NBA pushes this guy to such a level, I actually feel sorry for him. I feel sorry because, it's a load that no human can carry. Finally, in the case of Labron, I wonder how he would have done against the East when the East was competitive with people that would foul you and you would know you've been fouled.
- Men are a joke - I can't tell you how many times I've seen TV shows or commercials where the guy is portrayed as a moron, ineffective, indecisive, incompetent, and so on. You think I'm making it up, I challenge you to contrast the fathers in the Brady Bunch, Father knows best, Leave it to Beaver, Bonanza, etc... to the dads of today's sitcoms. Google the phrase, "dads portrayed as idiots in sitcoms" and you will find that there are over 4 million results. I apologize for nothing to say, that I as a man am offended by the portrayal that is offered. I've lived a life of being honored as a father. I led, fed, protected, nurtured, listened, and more to my children. And at the risk of sounding paranoid, I must ask this question. WHY. Is there anyone in Hollywood that would produce a show without EACH character having gone through a scrutinizing process for development in order to satisfy the audience? What is to be gained in making the dad/man look like a buffoon? At this point, I will resist the temptation to answer the question, but, I will give you a hint. Look at the writers, producers, and directors. Look at the advertisers. When you see what's in common, you are heading towards your answer.
- Service - It seems that wherever I go, and I'll leave the places out of this, it's the same experience over and over. You ask for your burger cooked a certain way, it isn't done that way. You ask for your fries to be extra crispy, they come back less than normal crispy. You go to the post office and the line is out the door and the second postal worker leaves her work station for that scheduled break just as you're finally up for service. The newspaper says buy three tires get the fourth one free, tags on clothes say 40% off today many times these offers are rouses to get you in the door. Or hows about you have Internet service through an Internet provider and you see a commercial where they're offering twice the speed you're getting for half the amount you're paying! You call to get it and they say it's only for new customers. Man, I just want what I'm paying for!
- LIES LIES LIES - I'm so sick of commercials that present a deal and unless you're really paying attention, they say what most hear in a way that's misleading. There's a famous carrier of mobile service that is presenting a flat fee for all phone and texting and a SHARED data plan of 10gig. They altered that commercial. When it first came out, they strung the sentence together in a way that unless you were paying attention, it sounded like the data was unlimited as well. Sometimes, they put that 2 point font of white letters against a light grey background that no one could read unless they were to freeze the frame and sit a foot in front of the TV. Credit the pharmaceutical companies. At least they tell you the 10 ways the medicine will kill you or leave you impotent. They do show this along side positive visual images, but at least they declare it rather than showing that ridiculous 2 point font. This also reminds me of buying stuff online where they give you the agree option. HA, agree or don't buy it. Ok, I get it, but what about when you're trying to get service of some kind to your house that only one company offers? So, they say, agree or you can choose to not have gas or electricity.
- Drivers - You fill in this one, I'm sure everyone has a story here.
First of all, there are differing degrees of anger. My anger, I would classify as manageable and productive. The reason I say that is because I don't exhibit destructive responses internally nor externally. I do respond though. What I do is respond with where I spend my money. I don't frequent restaurants that do not take responsibility to provide me with what I payed. I don't go back to a place that won the first transaction but seem to have no long term relationship game plan. To them, I say, "you won!" ... this time. Then, I don't go back. To the advertisers that lie, I pay attention and ask direct and clear questions before buying. If they don't want to answer the questions, they don't want my business.
Internally, I must do one of two things. Either I change my expectation, or I change the environment. What I mean is, if I'm upset because of something letting me down, I can look at the situation and/or person involved and reason mercy and compassion on them... Perhaps, they too are victims of something they cannot control and are messengers of a greater problem/issue. Take a deep breath, put it into perspective. "Pins and needles, needles and pins, it's a happy man that grins. Now what am I mad about?" That phrase is used in a Honeymooner's episode where Jackie Gleason is attempting to manage his anger. The phrase itself is used repeatedly by his character and appears to be effective UNTIL his rent is raised. He attempts the mantra in a full blown rage and upon completion of having mouthed the words, his friend Norton replies the answer to the rhetorical question, "They raised your rent!" But, seeing the comedy of this makes me laugh. Laughing is good for these things. Don't take yourself so seriously. Find the things that matter and focus on those. Yep, I still can't stand the media attention given to Lebron, I can't stand when my food isn't prepared correctly, and driving.. won't go there, but, I find that escaping with your loved ones in great conversation, and laughing restore my soul. Maybe it will work for you too.
Exactly what I feel, thanks! It is not imagination, but reality. However, in this world, when you bring these things up, people say you're over-reacting and "why the big deal". The above is why.
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