Tell somebody while they live...

You've probably attended a funeral by now.  If not, you at least know someone who has passed.  I've always wondered why it is that we (mostly), not always think of the kindest things about people who are here no more. 

Ironically, all of these kind words and thoughts may have never been shared or stated to the individual who is now gone.  You never looked them square in the eye and said all of those lovely things.  Why is that?  Is it too hard to open one's heart and say something kind?  What gets in the way?  Is it unresolved anger?  Do we realize once the person's gone that this small/medium/or large violation that was too much while alive has become trivial?  Time wasted holding on to something that prevented the relationship from growing.

I'd love to start a whole new concept.  A new "category" if you will.  We have birthdays, weddings, graduations, and funerals.  These are one day events where something significant occurs.  Yes, the birthday repeats, but rarely is it really celebrated on a larger scale more than a few times through life.  I'd like to propose that we integrate a celebration of life where the person doesn't receive physical gifts, but, the gift of why their existence matters to you.  Like the Christmas classic, "It's a wonderful life", where James Stewart's character discovers how different life was were he not to have been born.  I sense that we all have a footprint, and I don't just mean a carbon footprint.  Some of us may not realize how we have impacted others.  It could be like my 5th grade teacher, Mr Turpa, who was disappointed that I didn't do my homework, and his disappointment was coupled with a genuine expectation that I was better than that.  He took me to a new level.  He probably doesn't remember that day....  I do.  I phoned him and told him.  I remember my dad bringing home my first bike, my sister defending me.  I remember the birth of my kids and the impact to get yet more serious to provide a good life for them.  To have watched them playing sports or singing a solo in church.

When my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer, the Dr. told me, "She could have died in a car accident and you would have wished you could have said some things to her....  go home and say those things."   I did, and continue to as best I can. 

How would you feel today if your child came to you and said, "thank you for being there... thanks for being my mom/dad/my brother, sister, friend, teacher, wife, husband... you have enriched my life by just being you.. or when you did this, etc...  Tell someone today... don't let another day pass.

Judge me Judge you

Judging is part of our nature.  It is a necessary evil, but it doesn't have to be necessarily evil.   

We seem to have two opposite traits that coexist.  On the one hand as applied to driving we think, do NOT cross into my lane as I drive.  Do NOT cut me off, know where you're going when you're on the road.  Drive fast enough to stay out of my way.  Hurry up with the light turns green and don't slow me down.  WAIT for me to turn and slow down as you approach the intersection that I'm trying to make my left turn.  Heck, we can get into an elevator and have someone get on just a floor above us and get off a floor below us and think, "what the heck, you're waisting my time... I got things to do!"  On the other hand, although we may think we're walking perfectly in sync with perfection, we probably aren't. 

Studies show that the thing that makes us most angry and lash out at others harshly permeate within ourselves AND to the degree that we are outraged is the degree of our own blindness to our internal fault.  Actually, I made that up.  I don't know if there are studies or not.  I do think there's an interesting analogy there.  There are some that teach that when we see something that's driving us wacko about someone else, we should probably begin by looking at ourselves first.  Stop and ask yourself, this behavior that I cannot stand in this person, does it actually live IN me??  Am I doing this in a way that's visible to others and invisible to me?  It would seem that it's a worthy question.  Furthermore, if you do find it in yourself and you can fight through the correction of that, it may make you better at confronting the person when you've finally overcome it.

And so, finding a fault in another may be discovering the "treasure" that's in yourself.  There are exceptions I'm sure, but, if you think about it, the one person you have the most control over is yourself.  At the least, it'll make us a better judge, for we all seek mercy for ourselves and justice on others.  Were it to be reversed, it could be frightening.  Maybe a better way to say it would be, let us offer mercy to those that we would normally judge. Perhaps by granting the mercy to those who deserve justice, we'll be in a better place to receive mercy from someone who's judging us.

Are you angry?

I don't know if it's part of aging, or something going on in this day and age that we live, but, I sense a heightened presence of anger.  It's quite possible that it's just me.  As a matter of fact, I know that there are times that I use the phrase, "I'll just drink a quart of blood.." referring to biting my tongue to the point of a huge loss of blood.  I also acknowledge that when you're happy, sad, angry, content, or whatever emotion is ruling, your perception affects the processing of information around you so that it's possible the "glasses" you're wearing will color all things around you, sometimes negatively and sometimes positively.

But, then there's a reality as well.  I might feel really great on some drug induced state and decide that I can fly off of a 10 story building.  Perception is altered as gravity enforces the greater perception, the one I call reality.  There are times where the surrounding environment and mindless activities rule and reign and most aren't even aware.  They look and listen to a rant and think... doesn't bother me, what the heck's wrong with him or her?  And to that point, I think, ya, there are those that constantly complain, like if they were receiving a massage from someone they'd complain that it was too rough or not firm enough.

And so, I begin by offering a balanced discussion of anger experienced can be a byproduct of me having an internal perception issue that is affecting my surrounding environment.  Conversely, there is an acknowledgement of an external reality that is being experienced that affects my perception... O woe is me, which is it and how can I know?

What is anger anyway?  I define it as having an expectation that goes unfulfilled.  This is important for anger management that will be discussed later in the blog.  You may say, I don't agree with that definition, I say, ok, don't get angry.  :)


At this point, I'm going to share some things that are constants of anger that I just struggle shaking. 

1. Labron James - the basketball player for the Miami Heat.  Recently, he scored 61 points in a game and was immediatley spoken of as one of the greatest feats of all time in basketball.  I saw the game.  I saw the next two as well.  The following two games Miami lost.  Labron spoke of being tired.  Oh, he broke his nose, some would say, well, his nose was broken when he scored the 61.  My rant base is simply this... before you etch a place in history as one of the greatest, BE GREAT.  I define that as REPRODUCING greatness.  It is not achieved by one act.  This is not to say that he needs to score 61 points repeatedly.  It is saying, if you're not scoring that night, do something else that is great that allows your team to be positioned to win the game.  The NBA pushes this guy to such a level, I actually feel sorry for him.  I feel sorry because, it's a load that no human can carry.  Finally, in the case of Labron, I wonder how he would have done against the East when the East was competitive with people that would foul you and you would know you've been fouled.
2. Men are a joke - I can't tell you how many times I've seen TV shows or commercials where the guy is portrayed as a moron, ineffective, indecisive, incompetent, and so on.  You think I'm making it up, I challenge you to contrast the fathers in the Brady Bunch, Father knows best, Leave it to Beaver, Bonanza, etc... to the dads of today's sitcoms.  Google the phrase, "dads portrayed as idiots in sitcoms" and you will find that there are over 4 million results.  I apologize for nothing to say, that I as a man am offended by the portrayal that is offered.  I've lived a life of being honored as a father.  I led, fed, protected, nurtured, listened, and more to my children.  And at the risk of sounding paranoid, I must ask this question.  WHY.  Is there anyone in Hollywood that would produce a show without EACH character having gone through a scrutinizing process for development in order to satisfy the audience?  What is to be gained in making the dad/man look like a buffoon?  At this point, I will resist the temptation to answer the question, but, I will give you a hint.  Look at the writers, producers, and directors.  Look at the advertisers.  When you see what's in common, you are heading towards your answer.
3. Service - It seems that wherever I go, and I'll leave the places out of this, it's the same experience over and over.  You ask for your burger cooked a certain way, it isn't done that way.  You ask for your fries to be extra crispy, they come back less than normal crispy.  You go to the post office and the line is out the door and the second postal worker leaves her work station for that scheduled break just as you're finally up for service.  The newspaper says buy three tires get the fourth one free, tags on clothes say 40% off today many times these offers are rouses to get you in the door.  Or hows about you have Internet service through an Internet provider and you see a commercial where they're offering twice the speed you're getting for half the amount you're paying!  You call to get it and they say it's only for new customers.  Man, I just want what I'm paying for!
4. LIES LIES LIES - I'm so sick of commercials that present a deal and unless you're really paying attention, they say what most hear in a way that's misleading.  There's a famous carrier of mobile service that is presenting a flat fee for all phone and texting and a SHARED data plan of 10gig.  They altered that commercial.  When it first came out, they strung the sentence together in a way that unless you were paying attention, it sounded like the data was unlimited as well.  Sometimes, they put that 2 point font of white letters against a light grey background that no one could read unless they were to freeze the frame and sit a foot in front of the TV.  Credit the pharmaceutical companies.  At least they tell you the 10 ways the medicine will kill you or leave you impotent.  They do show this along side positive visual images, but at least they declare it rather than showing that ridiculous 2 point font.  This also reminds me of buying stuff online where they give you the agree option.  HA, agree or don't buy it.  Ok, I get it, but what about when you're trying to get service of some kind to your house that only one company offers?  So, they say, agree or you can choose to not have gas or electricity.
5. Drivers - You fill in this one, I'm sure everyone has a story here.

How do I manage my inner hulk?  What are my options?

First of all, there are differing degrees of anger.  My anger, I would classify as manageable and productive.  The reason I say that is because I don't exhibit destructive responses internally nor externally.  I do respond though.  What I do is respond with where I spend my money.  I don't frequent restaurants that do not take responsibility to provide me with what I payed.  I don't go back to a place that won the first transaction but seem to have no long term relationship game plan.  To them, I say, "you won!" ... this time.  Then, I don't go back.  To the advertisers that lie, I pay attention and ask direct and clear questions before buying.  If they don't want to answer the questions, they don't want my business.

Internally, I must do one of two things.  Either I change my expectation, or I change the environment.  What I mean is, if I'm upset because of something letting me down, I can look at the situation and/or person involved and reason mercy and compassion on them...  Perhaps, they too are victims of something they cannot control and are messengers of a greater problem/issue.  Take a deep breath, put it into perspective.  "Pins and needles, needles and pins, it's a happy man that grins.  Now what am I mad about?"  That phrase is used in a Honeymooner's episode where Jackie Gleason is attempting to manage his anger.  The phrase itself is used repeatedly by his character and appears to be effective UNTIL his rent is raised.  He attempts the mantra in a full blown rage and upon completion of having mouthed the words, his friend Norton replies the answer to the rhetorical question, "They raised your rent!"  But, seeing the comedy of this makes me laugh.  Laughing is good for these things.  Don't take yourself so seriously.  Find the things that matter and focus on those.  Yep, I still can't stand the media attention given to Lebron, I can't stand when my food isn't prepared correctly, and driving.. won't go there, but, I find that escaping with your loved ones in great conversation, and laughing restore my soul.  Maybe it will work for you too.

New guitar, new inspiration

I've been playing on my green guitar, my Paul Reed Smith for the last 6 years.  Recently, I purchased a 2004 Gibson Les Paul.  I have been so impressed with the feel and sound that it's literally sent me into a practice frenzy.

When I initially took on the guitar as a young man, I was inspired by Frank Marino and Mahogony Rush.  I'll never forget the first time I heard him playing Johnny B  Good.  I went to my room and began to do my best at copying what I was hearing.  At the time, I was in the Marine Corps and was playing a horn professionally for the Drum & Bugle Corp at Camp Pendelton.  Because of my classically trained background, I was able to understand things and viola, a guitar enthusiast was born.  I practiced .. without exaggeration, 8 hours a day.  I couldn't get enough of it. 

After I got out, I stayed in California and formed a band named, Truxx.  We played throughout Southern California and some really large venues.  Got signed and picked up by an agent, and then the walls came crumbling down.  Bands and musicians can be difficult and a kind of personal crisis left me to quit at the ripe old age of 27. 

About 6 years ago, Rick Stevens hooks me up with this audition and joined forces with Sabrina to produce a Lewis and Martin connection.  We still haven't decided who's Lewis and who's Martin.  I've learned a few things in these last 6 years.  And, to be honest, it has been challenging at times as well as fulfilling and exciting.  You don't last doing this for that amount of time without having some things learned and applied.

Now, to the point...  Recently, as I mentioned earlier, I purchased a Les Paul.  WOW.  I feel like my muscle memory for my original 69 Gibson SG is in my hands.  I'm so truly inspired that I love practicing like I'm a kid again.  The difference now is all the tools available for learning are amazing.  There's YouTube and dozens of guitar instruction sites.  I won't bore you with the theory and harmony things that I've learned, but, I just had to write a quick little post to say, I'm so excited to be playing at a new level and am striving to be more than I've been.  I don't know how far I can go with getting better, but, I have been and hope to continue so. 

I could only hope that you that read this could know the joy of ... whatever, a hobby, a passion, a venture.  Recently, I was speaking to a friend who told me about his passion for Geocache.  I'd never even heard of it, but, to watch his eyes and body language as he explained it was amazing.  I see people on Facebook posting food shots, baby pictures, animal pictures, and so on.  I'm just so thankful.  Even though this is the great recession we're presently living, I never dreamed as a child that I would have this level of contentment in life.

Sabrina and Gypsybleu New Year, more than a day

Approaching 2014, what changes will occur?

I noticed that my blogs have more reads when I write about the band than any other topic.  Perhaps because the exposure of the blog is on the marinoband.com or sabrinaband.com domain... duh?

And so, let me first cover New Years Eve.  We'll be at the OMNI Mandalay in Las Colinas.  The band has been allotted a set of rooms at a special discount of only $ 99.00.  It's a really good rate for a 4 star hotel.  The ambiance is incredible, and we had an awesome time last year.  We have some totally different things NEVER experienced before with Sabrina and Gypsybleu.  This New Year's Eve will incorporate a full band sound!  We're going to have a brass section join us!  So, You're probably going to hear somewhere between 15 and 20 new tunes!  It's going to be the kind of night that if you desire to dance, you will have plenty of great music to do that, or if you want to kick back and be entertained, you'll have plenty of opportunity for that as well.  Please contact me if you would like to get the discounted room as soon as possible and we do look forward to seeing you there!

As far as 2014, I'm going to try to set my expectations to a reasonable level.  I, personally, am a doer, what I set out to do, I do.  The hard part is when you have others that are part of what you want to do and they have things they're doing that don't coincide with what you're wanting to do, you can't get done what you want to do... whew, that's about as politically correct as I can phrase it.  So, I was thinking that I'd blog about the band more often.  Perhaps some of the inner circle details that no one knows.   Maybe, I'll vent out my frustrations?  Maybe not, probably shouldn't.  I mean, to credit Robert Hansen, our former third original member partner in this venture, he came up with the idea that we should film ourselves and create/produce a reality show.  BRILLIANT Bobby!  I loved, love, and shall always love that idea.  Although, I honestly thought that the band could not survive if we did that.  See, we musicians are something else.  A stage is an area where you can get up there with someone you wouldn't normally spend more than 5 minutes, but, in a performance, you collaborate, blend, and make something beautiful together.  To say it nicely, it reminds me of the "I Love Lucy" show where Ricky and Lucy begin to pick at each other for various personal habits they had.  Yeah, this band's been together for several years now and I'm sure that even I MAY have SOMETHING that could POSSIBLY irritate another member in the band. 

Normally, in those reality shows, there's a video blogging/logging that takes place where you really chew on the other.  I don't know ... really, I think that if you were to stick a camera in my face after an evening, I could end up saying something I'd regret... perhaps that's the entertainment factor, for others to watch the dissection.  And, through the years, some of the members of the band have begun to move on to other musical ventures, and some of our invited musicians have moved on as well.  I do know that when all is said, I'd rather be on the stage with Sabrina than any one else.  I'm really reflecting when I say that.  I mean, being honest, I'm fairly sure that there are times in any going concern that you evaluate and have feelings that you have to acknowledge.  I've toyed with the thought of starting another venture and so on, but, I say this purely in a platonic way, she and I produce music on a stage and when we're on, I think it's compelling. 

We really want to freshen things up in 2014.  I believe that band relations are in a good place and we're in a pretty good place right now.  I do anticipate a fresh and vibrant 2014.  If you haven't been out, come on out and see.  We are adding new tunes, and I believe that our interpersonal relationship stuff has hit that level that kicks in when you've known someone about 7 years...  You really make a decision to stay, lots move on.  To say it another way, personnel are in place, it's about evaluating our processes that are presently going on.

So, hope to see y'all at our gigs.  We're in a good relationship with several clubs throughout the metroplex.  Many ask me, "How do you get in that club?"  or "How to you get the bookings", to which I reply, it's not getting in that's hard, it's STAYING in that's complex.  I promise you that we're working on being better and we look forward to expressing our God given talents to you and we do not take any audience lightly, we greatly value you and look forward to serving you with the best music product possible.

Veterans Day

This coming Saturday, I'll be hosting KVCE radio www.kvceradio.com  at 11:00 CST.  The theme of the show is Veterans day.  I could plagiarize and provide information in small chunks as if I had this knowledge, but, I found a great article at this link that tells the history of Veterans day.  Please take a look at this:  http://www.va.gov/opa/vetsday/vetdayhistory.asp 

I served in the Marine Corps two different times and my son is presently in the Marines.  Although there was no officially declared war while I was in, I was there and prepared to serve.  If you have someone special, or a special story you'd like to shared, PLEASE do.  Show your thanks and pride to the person, and/or the memory of that special person.

I will be hosting the show, please tune in.  I'd like to form some thoughts and things to say in honor of YOUR memories and thankfulness of having served yourself or having some served that you know and care about.

I'll never forget when my wife was pregnant with our third child.  It had been about 6 years since our middle child was born.  Memories and experiences of an infant arriving were a past memory.  I also remember going to the mall and seeing other pregnant women.  I saw strollers and maternity clothing shops and other products and services that I had paid absolutely no attention having that as a distant memory.  I then realized that I was so far removed from the experience of an infant that I had no awareness prior to the pregnancy and now a full blown awareness of all things related.  It's like one of those special effects where all things are shaded in black and white and there's a bright color to highlight something that sticks out.

I want to say that there have been, are, and always will be special folks that lay their lives on the line.  I personally owe to take a moment and think about the men who in the youth of their lives picked up the weapon and died.  As I write that line, it feels a bit crude and raw but, this is the point of contrast, the way to elevate and distinguish.  Yeah, there are times I feel that life really is challenging, that I'm let down or even let others down, but, I can't help but wonder about that 19 year old kid that lay in the sand giving his life for a cause.  This is the highest sacrifice anyone can give.  There may be some that read this and will remember their friend, their uncle, their dad, their loved one.  The question is, how can we honor those that did this?

I think a good place to start is to think about them.  Think of what kind of leadership may have perished on the battlefield.  Think of those that had the character to obey and serve, who put the uniform on and marched into harms way.  Who wants to die that is of a healthy mind?  What courage it would take to know that you must leave the safety of an iron ship to touch the sand where rounds are being fired or to attempt to execute a maneuver that will insure a victory knowing that you are part of the section that's going to take the direct assault.  To know that you are in the cross hairs of the enemy.  To wonder if it's really an honorable cause, or perhaps no doubt whatsoever, totally convinced that this is the moment to execute all the training and values that are the core of your being.  The luxury to access whether or not those that have sent these to war was for a just cause is not practical because an indecisive moment can cause the loss of limb, sight, or life to the yourself or the one fighting next to you.

For me, the second thing is to say, "thank you."  Not all that go into battle die.  Not all that train go into battle.  But from those that give the ultimate price to those that were next to them and survived, to them that were prepared to go to the field and weren't sent, each has sworn an oath to protect.  My heart is overwhelmed with a gratitude of those that show this kind of maturity and dedication, and so I say, thank you and thank you to all!

Being that this is a sports program, I want to speak of some parallels where many sports emulate elements of battle.  Please do NOT misunderstand me, for I do not want to disrespect those that gave their lives. I am now talking about a subset of genuine battle where protection, freedom are the goal and life and limb are the possible losses.  There are great emotions associated with sports.  Teams for regional locations having a line of scrimmage where movements are done with precise military discipline and training.  To strike into the line, or to try to flank the line, or an aerial assault.  Men who box having trained for weeks to stand in an enclosed space in order to exercise a battle of skills and will.  We watch, safely from the sidelines.  We are moved and scream when our associated team or individual executes something that is associated with victory.  I've been pondering for years why this is so.  Recently, I saw a special on Gatti vs. Ward, two boxers that fought 3 times.  The first fight, round 9 is called by some the greatest round of boxing for the century.  I remember watching it.  It wasn't the blood that reeled me in.  Some think that it's the potential of death that makes it intriguing.  Personally, I reject that.  When Jim Lampley, HBO Analyst was asked what the greatest fight, round of boxing he's called, he replied Gatti vs. Ward, round 9, and here's the point....  he wept as he said it.  He wept, as I did when I watched it.  I called my boys into the room when the fight was going on and said, "LOOK, these men are LIVING."  They were exercising life.  They were, in my estimation breaking through a dimension of normal life to an extraordinary experience.  This life is not limited to combat, it can be manifested in gymnastics, ballet, chess, speech contests, etc...  The point is that they were without fear, living in the moment.  I covet that experience.  I wept then, and I weep even now as I write this,  challenged to live ... to live without fear, to execute life without regrets and to give 100%. 

So, in closing, please hit the "reply", write something.  Think of those that have gone before us and paved the way for us.  Thank your kids, dads, grand-dad, cousins, brothers, sisters, moms who have served, say it to them while they can hear it.  My love and gratitude is to all of them, and presently, to my son who is serving.  Thank you.

I always wanted to be a black belt

Have you ever wished you could go back in time, basically, to reclaim that youthful body with the caveaut to go back knowing what you know now?

No, this isn't an advertisement with some product that makes any promises.  My joints hurt as I awake each and every day.  I haven't slept through the night in years due to chronic pain in my back.  I used to be able to ALMOST do a split and could punch at blinding speed.  I used to be able to perform so much better, and alas, age presses on.  I'm probably 70% of what I was when I was at my best in my youth. 

Is this the song of the aged?  "Oh, how I wish I was young .... knowing what I now know..."

I'm truly begining to wonder, if I am thinking this now, what will I think in 20 years? (assuming I'm still here).  Will I reflect of a time where I would say, I wish I were 20 years younger knowing what I know now (now at that time I will be age 76). 

And so, I live.  I live each and every day.  I go after that guitar arpegio that's eluded me forever, I still try to lift the weight that I've never been able to lift, I try to grow in my relationships and apply all the lessons learned so far.  I find the depravity is still there, the capacity for change more challenging, but, my mind is strong and my desire to be all I can be is pushing for more. 

I was haunted by a thought when I was a boy.  I always wanted to be a black belt.  A thought came to me, it was this. "If you got your black belt and there was noone else to see you with it, would you still want it?"  This thought frightened me because I realized that I was driven for others, and the perception of others.  It's what some call "motivation".  That inner burning to accomplish.  That which cannot be given to anyone else.  The motivation can be good and it can be bad.  When you see someone achieve a goal like running a marathon, does it make you think you can run a marathon?  My point is that there will be things that we are driven to do that are for ourselves, and some things for others.  The person who loses that 10 pounds or 100 pounds, or quits drugs and/or drinking, who quits running around and commits to his/her wife and family.  These are marathons of a different kind.  They are the kind that produces fruit in those around us.  I think I'm coming to understand that I got my black belt and now, I'm content to share what I've learned with any who would want to know.  I've learned a bit about playing guitar, and I'm happy to give my knowledge to anyone who would want it.  My time that is left, it is to be honored and spent wisely and diligently for I don't know how much of it is left. 

Today is the day I  will want 20 years from now.  What will I dream to do 20 years from now that I'm presently in that moment that can be fulfilled?  Perhaps the ancients and those that have passed before us seem to have a clue....  I've heard most in the gneration(s) before me say, "if I could do it all over again, I'd spend more time with my kids."  Others may say, "I would have not done this thing", or maybe even, "I wished I wouldn't have spent the last 20 years being guilty about ..."

Perhaps the key is, I may know more in 20 years, but, those that are 20 years ahead of me seem to be consistent with their drive to have worked for better relationships.  To not harbor anger. To forgive, to forget, to respect, ultimately, to love.  I wrote in my journal when I was 37 years of age that if the Lord gave me 37 more years, I did not want them to be like the first 37.  For me, let this be a renewal of that spirit I showed.  I want my last years to be my best.