My brother and I

This story is long over due.  It's the story of two boys born in northwest Indiana.  I'll spare the details that may be integrated into a book one day, but for now, I'll start with the fact that I'm 6 years older than my brother and I really do remember the day he came home from the hospital. 

I was put in charge of him and have attempted to be that leader in a responsible way.  I'm not proud of all that I've thought, said, or done, but, I've tried. 

I thought of him today in a special way because I saw a documentary on Paul Williams.  One of the most prolific song writers of our time and a name that many will probably not know.  Steve, (my brother), will know the name.  He's really good at that kind of thing, as well as movies, directors, actors, certain sports and so on.  What struck me as I watched the documentary was that it was so enjoyable to me.  You see, in the 70's, everything was so mysterious.  All of the standard plots you'd see on the TV shows that would show patterns of similarity and yet sometimes throw different axioms into the mix... Like Bobby Brady needing to know WHEN to quit vs. "Little Joe" on Bonanza being exhorted to NEVER quit.  These things confused me as a boy.  Like Jim Carry in the Cable guy, I watched these shows and actually thought this was the way things were supposed to be.  A kind and gentle set of parents that the Brady Bunch offered, one who would scold mildly or talk over family issues.  It was the paradise I longed for.  You'd see Gilligan's Island and I had no clue of the turmoil Sherman Schwartz had between Tina Louise and Bob Denver.  I don't remember the candid interviews you can now get that provides the behind the scenes kind of thing that thrills me personally.  Oh ya, back to my brother....   I thought as I watched this Paul Williams documentary how, for me, it was a slice of heaven.  I was getting insights to the Merv Griffin show, the Michael Douglas show, and more... I can see my brother reading this going "UGH" REALLY ??  But, this isn't a complaint about him. 

We're simply different...

He'll watch a movie that moves him, he'll tell me about it, I'll watch it.  I'll send him my commentary on it.  He'll do the same for me.  Do you know why?  Because we love each other.  Oh, this didn't come over night, I can assure you of that.  I remember when he had me to go and see, "The Full Monty".  (he's smiling now).  But, he's turned me on to many gems, Shawshank Redemption, Pope of Greenwich Village to name a few.  I think he has tremendous insights to movies.  Movies can be a poxy to bring things together.  I've witnessed two people in a family that never speak and one day just because the topic was movies, it became a substance of connection.

Apart from movies, we can talk about anything else in life with no pretension.  We have fought about everything and moved on from every disagreement.  We used to argue about Godzilla and King Kong.  I still say King Kong won the fight.  We'd argue about Orange vs. Grape Koolaid.  I liked Ron Santo, he liked Ernie Banks (both Chi Cub Players).  But regardless of all the arguing......   He knows, and I know.  We're brothers.

He challenges me...

Recently, I really believe that I've written the best and most thorough song of my life.  After playing it for him, he said, "You can do better".  To some, that may sound discouraging.  Not to me.  I know where he's coming from and it stays with me.  I believe we all need to have people in our life that really knows us, where there's total honesty, total freedom to hear and say, but, here's the key; the statement must come from love.  If you have that person, you have a treasure.  My brother is that treasure.

It's a wonderful life...

In the movie it's a wonderful life (one that I really like and well, actually, I don't know what Steve thinks of it, but, Jimmy Stewart wishes he was never born.  The angel demonstrates how different life would have been for so many people had he not been on the earth.  The idea from that movie motivates and challenges me tremendously.  It's really an impetus for this blog.  I know of a few men that lost their younger brothers, I can't tell you how much that hurts to ponder.  My brother has helped me through some of the hardest times of my life.  To be honest, my parents rarely asked me how I was or felt, but I always knew my brother did.  That's who he is.  He's really kind of shy and lacks confidence in some ways, but, I know with the greatest confidence that when love moves him, it is an amazing thing to experience.  I know of his struggles and how hard he has worked to overcome.  I can't help but reflect to the point of this paragraph... I don't want to know the vacuum that would exist without him.

Do not leave the earth without saying...

I write this because, we cannot presume tomorrow.  We have now, and now is all I have.  If I were to die with these thoughts, no one would benefit.  No one would know.  I think that that may be one of the greatest weaknesses of people in general, one of my greatest weaknesses.  I battle with a negative, pessimistic mindset.  But, there are times, actually many times where a kind word, a decent act, an act of love I'll observe and it warms my heart and I don't say anything.  This statement is reprehensible, but, it remains a truth for me... why don't I say it?  Because I perceive it as being weak.  Yes, there are times I'll look at my wife and think, my God, she looks amazing, vibrant, youthful, and it remains in the chamber of my heart.  Perhaps, she'll be next on my list.  And BTW, those that know me and have felt the sting of my tongue, it is nowhere near eloquent as the words I type.  I must take these times to unlock the chamber, and be weak, vulnerable, and reflective.  I say to you Steve, I know that you prioritize when I call.  I know you look forward to see me when I'm in town.  I know you delight in seeing me eat an Al's Italian Beef sandwich, you see, for a person to look for another person's desire is love and that is invaluable.  That pure motivation cannot be purchased and few there are that give it and I want you to know I appreciate and love you bro.

What's the final chapter?

As boys, we went to Europe together.  We ran the streets of our father's birthplace in Greece.  We got sick together on a boat crossing from Greece to an island just off of Turkey.  Some embarrassing stories that I'll spare.  But, man, it was just living.  This was before the testosterone flowed to begin my quest for stuff, and failures and misguided pursuits.  It was an innocent time where we really depended on each other.  Will we get to go back?

I'll close by saying, I NEVER dreamed as a young boy that life would be this good.  Yes, life is good.  Yes, there's suffering, there's plenty of disappointments, there's sickness, there's pain, there's even death to contend, but, as long as we're alive and we have breath, I can say I'm so thankful for my brother.

We now know

We now know

Have you ever heard the phrase "we now know?"   I can't help but think, if you now know it, why didn't you know it before, and worst, if you now know something you didn't know before, then, who's to say that what you know now will be replaced with a new statement tomorrow?

I remember watching the Chicago Cubs in 1969 and Ernie banks saying, "The cubs will shine in 69".  It was his thing to create an optimistic phrase every year.  Furthermore, I remember that steaks were the protein of choice for the athlete working out and that a good breakfast was a glass of orange juice, eggs and bacon.  WE NOW KNOW that one egg supplies your daily amount of cholesterol, not to include the bacon, butter on the toast and that second or third egg.  That orange juice will spike your insulin because it's so rich in sugar.  Man, I NOW KNOW that I  really DON'T KNOW which plan to choose?  Atkins?  30/40/30, low fat?, low carbs?   It's even gotten to the point that psychiatrists/psychologists are the authorities on television telling us the way things are because "we now know". 

I'm sorry, I don't know that all things fall or fit into this class.  For example, I think it's always been wrong, is wrong, and ever shall be wrong to do certain things, like murdering someone, committing adultery, stealing, etc...  I'm not saying that I'm not tempted and or even failed.  I'm simply saying that I'm not willing to vacate the everlasting knowledge with the temporal knowledge.  If the truth is only what I perceive it to be then we've digressed though it appears to be progress. 

Now, I know that I've jumped from an empirical point earlier, (that knowledge is ascertained by a processes of theorizing something that is, and testing it) to an argument for the moral imperative, (that certain things are always right or always wrong regardless of supposed hypothesis, data gathering and conclusions put forth).  But, I think there's a connection.  I once worked with a Duke graduate who worked for a household name pharmacy company that told me she wanted to change careers to programming because of the pressures to pass drugs through and ignore apparent anomalies or false conclusions.  The point is, when theory, hypothesis, and conclusion also include an intention for data to come to a certain conclusion, the "we now know" is grossly overrated. 

When you see a doctor, he/she has protocol and this previously accepted knowledge is their guidelines whereby decisions are made and CAN affect you adversely.  For example, should you have a mammogram every year?  Recently, that apparent absolute and resounding "YES" is being questioned because .... you guessed it, "we now know".  Well, what about all those women who have been saturated with the negative effects of the radiation having followed the supposed FORMER "we now know?"

In conclusion, I've always known the love of my parents and siblings.  I've always known that I will die one day.  I've always known that this life is futile, limited, and unless an eternal perspective is factored in, well... less than optimal.  I've always known the love of a wife, the love of my children, the moral absolutes that never change.  I've always known that most people try hard and do their best, but the best thing to say is rather than "we now know" would be "we sure hope this is right" because if it isn't, you may be affecting us adversely.  Let us hope to find the things that have an eternal rather than temporal benefit.

Wear what I wear please

So, as I promised, here's the story and my bizarre thoughts... And I readily admit, this is not normal.

I went to get my mail from the mail box, which really is just to open the door and reach over to the left since the mail box is within an arm's reach of opening the door.  My wife freaks out and screams, "some one's going to see you in your underwear."  I'm thinking, what's the big deal?  Well, I should add to the facts that we live on a very busy street and there's a high probability that a car will drive by even though it's a quick opening of the door.  So, to deny that I will be seen is not tenable.  My argument is, why is it that when EVERYONE takes their shirt off, it's OK for me to take my shirt off and NOT until then?

Continue...

You go to the beach and you wear a bikini.  How does that differ from underwear?  BTW, I'm not trying to be cute here and I understand that there's sheer type of underwear that would reveal something that wouldn't be revealed in a bikini, but, apples to apples...  a little top to insure the hidden part of the breast remains hidden and well, you finish the rest for the bottom, the point is, BOTH reveal the same portions of flesh. 

The AGREEMENT we seem to have in society is, do NOT do that unless we're all doing it!  If you put that outfit on and walk into the night club, it will probably be frowned upon.  Heck, there's even nude beaches where all agree it's OK to take everything off.  Back to me and checking the mail... So, there I am in my boxers or briefs?  Depends (inside joke), anyway, and I'm genuinely thinking, if my underwear were called a "bathing suit", I could have come from my supposed pool and was simply checking my mail... oh no, bad bad bad, because the people that are outside are in a zone where they're wearing clothes, and so, it is taboo that I would be shirtless and so on.  You know, I could really push this subject and talk about supposed differences between underwear and other clothing, but, I don't think that's really the point.  I'm honestly puzzled about why this rule exists? 

Answer.

Perhaps we seem to have an innate drive to want people to be like us.  If they're different, we look and wonder, "why is he eating his cereal with orange juice instead of milk?"  (ewww, I know wouldn't that taste terribly), but, really, this same thing that pulls people in the same direction becomes a discriminatory pulse as well.  Perhaps it's part of the basis of prejudices and other things that can be taken to the extreme.  I'll never forget the first time I was ostracized because I was dipping my cookie in milk.  For some reason, the person in grade school had never fathomed that practice and began to loudly point out my unusual behavior, or the time that I decided to urinate in the break room while lunch was going on.. oh, I know I should have put my shoes on, but, what the heck?  Seriously, I do want to be part of society, for "no man is an island" Aristotle...  I've also come to discover that although I do enjoy people with whom I share values, people with my personality are not my best match to hang out with, it almost seems like opposites are a better fit.  So, everyone break the rules today... go out and check your mail in whatever outfit you want and then ask them to read this blog.