Tell somebody while they live...

You've probably attended a funeral by now.  If not, you at least know someone who has passed.  I've always wondered why it is that we (mostly), not always think of the kindest things about people who are here no more. 

Ironically, all of these kind words and thoughts may have never been shared or stated to the individual who is now gone.  You never looked them square in the eye and said all of those lovely things.  Why is that?  Is it too hard to open one's heart and say something kind?  What gets in the way?  Is it unresolved anger?  Do we realize once the person's gone that this small/medium/or large violation that was too much while alive has become trivial?  Time wasted holding on to something that prevented the relationship from growing.

I'd love to start a whole new concept.  A new "category" if you will.  We have birthdays, weddings, graduations, and funerals.  These are one day events where something significant occurs.  Yes, the birthday repeats, but rarely is it really celebrated on a larger scale more than a few times through life.  I'd like to propose that we integrate a celebration of life where the person doesn't receive physical gifts, but, the gift of why their existence matters to you.  Like the Christmas classic, "It's a wonderful life", where James Stewart's character discovers how different life was were he not to have been born.  I sense that we all have a footprint, and I don't just mean a carbon footprint.  Some of us may not realize how we have impacted others.  It could be like my 5th grade teacher, Mr Turpa, who was disappointed that I didn't do my homework, and his disappointment was coupled with a genuine expectation that I was better than that.  He took me to a new level.  He probably doesn't remember that day....  I do.  I phoned him and told him.  I remember my dad bringing home my first bike, my sister defending me.  I remember the birth of my kids and the impact to get yet more serious to provide a good life for them.  To have watched them playing sports or singing a solo in church.

When my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer, the Dr. told me, "She could have died in a car accident and you would have wished you could have said some things to her....  go home and say those things."   I did, and continue to as best I can. 

How would you feel today if your child came to you and said, "thank you for being there... thanks for being my mom/dad/my brother, sister, friend, teacher, wife, husband... you have enriched my life by just being you.. or when you did this, etc...  Tell someone today... don't let another day pass.

Judge me Judge you

Judging is part of our nature.  It is a necessary evil, but it doesn't have to be necessarily evil.   

We seem to have two opposite traits that coexist.  On the one hand as applied to driving we think, do NOT cross into my lane as I drive.  Do NOT cut me off, know where you're going when you're on the road.  Drive fast enough to stay out of my way.  Hurry up with the light turns green and don't slow me down.  WAIT for me to turn and slow down as you approach the intersection that I'm trying to make my left turn.  Heck, we can get into an elevator and have someone get on just a floor above us and get off a floor below us and think, "what the heck, you're waisting my time... I got things to do!"  On the other hand, although we may think we're walking perfectly in sync with perfection, we probably aren't. 

Studies show that the thing that makes us most angry and lash out at others harshly permeate within ourselves AND to the degree that we are outraged is the degree of our own blindness to our internal fault.  Actually, I made that up.  I don't know if there are studies or not.  I do think there's an interesting analogy there.  There are some that teach that when we see something that's driving us wacko about someone else, we should probably begin by looking at ourselves first.  Stop and ask yourself, this behavior that I cannot stand in this person, does it actually live IN me??  Am I doing this in a way that's visible to others and invisible to me?  It would seem that it's a worthy question.  Furthermore, if you do find it in yourself and you can fight through the correction of that, it may make you better at confronting the person when you've finally overcome it.

And so, finding a fault in another may be discovering the "treasure" that's in yourself.  There are exceptions I'm sure, but, if you think about it, the one person you have the most control over is yourself.  At the least, it'll make us a better judge, for we all seek mercy for ourselves and justice on others.  Were it to be reversed, it could be frightening.  Maybe a better way to say it would be, let us offer mercy to those that we would normally judge. Perhaps by granting the mercy to those who deserve justice, we'll be in a better place to receive mercy from someone who's judging us.

Are you angry?

I don't know if it's part of aging, or something going on in this day and age that we live, but, I sense a heightened presence of anger.  It's quite possible that it's just me.  As a matter of fact, I know that there are times that I use the phrase, "I'll just drink a quart of blood.." referring to biting my tongue to the point of a huge loss of blood.  I also acknowledge that when you're happy, sad, angry, content, or whatever emotion is ruling, your perception affects the processing of information around you so that it's possible the "glasses" you're wearing will color all things around you, sometimes negatively and sometimes positively.

But, then there's a reality as well.  I might feel really great on some drug induced state and decide that I can fly off of a 10 story building.  Perception is altered as gravity enforces the greater perception, the one I call reality.  There are times where the surrounding environment and mindless activities rule and reign and most aren't even aware.  They look and listen to a rant and think... doesn't bother me, what the heck's wrong with him or her?  And to that point, I think, ya, there are those that constantly complain, like if they were receiving a massage from someone they'd complain that it was too rough or not firm enough.

And so, I begin by offering a balanced discussion of anger experienced can be a byproduct of me having an internal perception issue that is affecting my surrounding environment.  Conversely, there is an acknowledgement of an external reality that is being experienced that affects my perception... O woe is me, which is it and how can I know?

What is anger anyway?  I define it as having an expectation that goes unfulfilled.  This is important for anger management that will be discussed later in the blog.  You may say, I don't agree with that definition, I say, ok, don't get angry.  :)


At this point, I'm going to share some things that are constants of anger that I just struggle shaking. 

1. Labron James - the basketball player for the Miami Heat.  Recently, he scored 61 points in a game and was immediatley spoken of as one of the greatest feats of all time in basketball.  I saw the game.  I saw the next two as well.  The following two games Miami lost.  Labron spoke of being tired.  Oh, he broke his nose, some would say, well, his nose was broken when he scored the 61.  My rant base is simply this... before you etch a place in history as one of the greatest, BE GREAT.  I define that as REPRODUCING greatness.  It is not achieved by one act.  This is not to say that he needs to score 61 points repeatedly.  It is saying, if you're not scoring that night, do something else that is great that allows your team to be positioned to win the game.  The NBA pushes this guy to such a level, I actually feel sorry for him.  I feel sorry because, it's a load that no human can carry.  Finally, in the case of Labron, I wonder how he would have done against the East when the East was competitive with people that would foul you and you would know you've been fouled.
2. Men are a joke - I can't tell you how many times I've seen TV shows or commercials where the guy is portrayed as a moron, ineffective, indecisive, incompetent, and so on.  You think I'm making it up, I challenge you to contrast the fathers in the Brady Bunch, Father knows best, Leave it to Beaver, Bonanza, etc... to the dads of today's sitcoms.  Google the phrase, "dads portrayed as idiots in sitcoms" and you will find that there are over 4 million results.  I apologize for nothing to say, that I as a man am offended by the portrayal that is offered.  I've lived a life of being honored as a father.  I led, fed, protected, nurtured, listened, and more to my children.  And at the risk of sounding paranoid, I must ask this question.  WHY.  Is there anyone in Hollywood that would produce a show without EACH character having gone through a scrutinizing process for development in order to satisfy the audience?  What is to be gained in making the dad/man look like a buffoon?  At this point, I will resist the temptation to answer the question, but, I will give you a hint.  Look at the writers, producers, and directors.  Look at the advertisers.  When you see what's in common, you are heading towards your answer.
3. Service - It seems that wherever I go, and I'll leave the places out of this, it's the same experience over and over.  You ask for your burger cooked a certain way, it isn't done that way.  You ask for your fries to be extra crispy, they come back less than normal crispy.  You go to the post office and the line is out the door and the second postal worker leaves her work station for that scheduled break just as you're finally up for service.  The newspaper says buy three tires get the fourth one free, tags on clothes say 40% off today many times these offers are rouses to get you in the door.  Or hows about you have Internet service through an Internet provider and you see a commercial where they're offering twice the speed you're getting for half the amount you're paying!  You call to get it and they say it's only for new customers.  Man, I just want what I'm paying for!
4. LIES LIES LIES - I'm so sick of commercials that present a deal and unless you're really paying attention, they say what most hear in a way that's misleading.  There's a famous carrier of mobile service that is presenting a flat fee for all phone and texting and a SHARED data plan of 10gig.  They altered that commercial.  When it first came out, they strung the sentence together in a way that unless you were paying attention, it sounded like the data was unlimited as well.  Sometimes, they put that 2 point font of white letters against a light grey background that no one could read unless they were to freeze the frame and sit a foot in front of the TV.  Credit the pharmaceutical companies.  At least they tell you the 10 ways the medicine will kill you or leave you impotent.  They do show this along side positive visual images, but at least they declare it rather than showing that ridiculous 2 point font.  This also reminds me of buying stuff online where they give you the agree option.  HA, agree or don't buy it.  Ok, I get it, but what about when you're trying to get service of some kind to your house that only one company offers?  So, they say, agree or you can choose to not have gas or electricity.
5. Drivers - You fill in this one, I'm sure everyone has a story here.

How do I manage my inner hulk?  What are my options?

First of all, there are differing degrees of anger.  My anger, I would classify as manageable and productive.  The reason I say that is because I don't exhibit destructive responses internally nor externally.  I do respond though.  What I do is respond with where I spend my money.  I don't frequent restaurants that do not take responsibility to provide me with what I payed.  I don't go back to a place that won the first transaction but seem to have no long term relationship game plan.  To them, I say, "you won!" ... this time.  Then, I don't go back.  To the advertisers that lie, I pay attention and ask direct and clear questions before buying.  If they don't want to answer the questions, they don't want my business.

Internally, I must do one of two things.  Either I change my expectation, or I change the environment.  What I mean is, if I'm upset because of something letting me down, I can look at the situation and/or person involved and reason mercy and compassion on them...  Perhaps, they too are victims of something they cannot control and are messengers of a greater problem/issue.  Take a deep breath, put it into perspective.  "Pins and needles, needles and pins, it's a happy man that grins.  Now what am I mad about?"  That phrase is used in a Honeymooner's episode where Jackie Gleason is attempting to manage his anger.  The phrase itself is used repeatedly by his character and appears to be effective UNTIL his rent is raised.  He attempts the mantra in a full blown rage and upon completion of having mouthed the words, his friend Norton replies the answer to the rhetorical question, "They raised your rent!"  But, seeing the comedy of this makes me laugh.  Laughing is good for these things.  Don't take yourself so seriously.  Find the things that matter and focus on those.  Yep, I still can't stand the media attention given to Lebron, I can't stand when my food isn't prepared correctly, and driving.. won't go there, but, I find that escaping with your loved ones in great conversation, and laughing restore my soul.  Maybe it will work for you too.

New guitar, new inspiration

I've been playing on my green guitar, my Paul Reed Smith for the last 6 years.  Recently, I purchased a 2004 Gibson Les Paul.  I have been so impressed with the feel and sound that it's literally sent me into a practice frenzy.

When I initially took on the guitar as a young man, I was inspired by Frank Marino and Mahogony Rush.  I'll never forget the first time I heard him playing Johnny B  Good.  I went to my room and began to do my best at copying what I was hearing.  At the time, I was in the Marine Corps and was playing a horn professionally for the Drum & Bugle Corp at Camp Pendelton.  Because of my classically trained background, I was able to understand things and viola, a guitar enthusiast was born.  I practiced .. without exaggeration, 8 hours a day.  I couldn't get enough of it. 

After I got out, I stayed in California and formed a band named, Truxx.  We played throughout Southern California and some really large venues.  Got signed and picked up by an agent, and then the walls came crumbling down.  Bands and musicians can be difficult and a kind of personal crisis left me to quit at the ripe old age of 27. 

About 6 years ago, Rick Stevens hooks me up with this audition and joined forces with Sabrina to produce a Lewis and Martin connection.  We still haven't decided who's Lewis and who's Martin.  I've learned a few things in these last 6 years.  And, to be honest, it has been challenging at times as well as fulfilling and exciting.  You don't last doing this for that amount of time without having some things learned and applied.

Now, to the point...  Recently, as I mentioned earlier, I purchased a Les Paul.  WOW.  I feel like my muscle memory for my original 69 Gibson SG is in my hands.  I'm so truly inspired that I love practicing like I'm a kid again.  The difference now is all the tools available for learning are amazing.  There's YouTube and dozens of guitar instruction sites.  I won't bore you with the theory and harmony things that I've learned, but, I just had to write a quick little post to say, I'm so excited to be playing at a new level and am striving to be more than I've been.  I don't know how far I can go with getting better, but, I have been and hope to continue so. 

I could only hope that you that read this could know the joy of ... whatever, a hobby, a passion, a venture.  Recently, I was speaking to a friend who told me about his passion for Geocache.  I'd never even heard of it, but, to watch his eyes and body language as he explained it was amazing.  I see people on Facebook posting food shots, baby pictures, animal pictures, and so on.  I'm just so thankful.  Even though this is the great recession we're presently living, I never dreamed as a child that I would have this level of contentment in life.